![]() We're pretty sure he was reading different comics than we were, because we remember him being the old man who got hit in the head a lot that had to be told by Green Arrow that racism was a bad thing. Later on he got gray hair and lost a city full of former conquests, so he teamed up with a yellow space bug to kill his friends.ĬA Says: According to Geoff Johns, Hal Jordan was the cool guy in the Justice League that everyone else wanted to be. That still doesn't explain why writer/artist Howard Chaykin thought it was a good idea to portray him as (and we're quoting from Wikipedia here) "more serious suffering heavily from the loss of his family." Yeeesh.Ī captain in the United States Air Force/insane test pilot, Hal Jordan ran into a crashed space ship housing a dying Abin Sur who passed onto him the mantle of the Green Lantern of sector 2814 due to the strength of Jordan's will. Still, it's worth noting that thanks to last year's Watchmen movie, Hal and Arisia has finally been replaced as creepiest couples' cosplay by The Comedian and Silk Spectre.Īll you really need to know about G'Nort is that he's a dog who patrolled an empty sector and made his first arrest by biting a Silver Surfer analog's bare ass and writers seem to completely hate him.ĬA Says: The goofiest character of a Justice League era defined by goofiness, G'Nort was like a tongue-in-cheek version of Jar-Jar Binks, which meant that a lot of people hated him. If that's not creepy enough, she's also an orange elf alien who fought Nekron the first time around, moved to Earth with no powers and got her neck snapped by Major Force before a resurrection and more Jordan smooching.ĬA Says: The more writers try to make Hal's Nabokovian alliance with Arisia okay ("Her people age slower than humans! She's really in her hundreds!"), the more it just has the opposite effect of reminding us that the Official Greatest Green Lantern Ever totally used to have the hots for a minor. Suffering from the universe's worst bundle of daddy issues, Arisia used her Green Lantern ring to age herself to non jailbait age so Hal Jordan would reciprocate her affection. ![]() There's a metaphor in there somewhere, but we're getting too depressed to make it. After many adventures and a failed suicide attempt, he was struck down on the highway by a yellow truck.ĬA Says: A kid-friendly funny animal that's run over by a truck and then resurrected as a zombie. Yes I am."Ī cartoon squirrel from what's essentially a planet of cartoon animals, Ch'p got his start as a GL while awaiting his execution as a rebel warrior. Her further adventures Corpsing it up have not been chronicled in an official capacity, but probably populate some very NSFW fan fiction.CA Says: "Say Bob, you know what would be awesome?" "What's that, Bob?" "If we took a character from a sub-par fighting game about gruesome murder and made her a space policeman with a magic green wishing ring." "Bob, are you drunk?" "Yes. Following the conclusion of a huge anger war after the DC Comics and Mortal Kombat universes merged, combatant Sonya Blade was left with a random dead GL's ring but no power battery.
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